did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
