I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
