I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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