Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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