One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
