DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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