Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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