dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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