So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
