i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
