lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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