I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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