Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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