the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
