It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
