Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
