you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
