I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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