oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
