I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
