last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
