All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
