Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
