Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
