not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
