maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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