my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
