:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
