you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
