I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
