yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
