Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
