FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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