my sisters under your porch take her home
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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