Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
