You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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