Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
