Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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