she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
