you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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