You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
