My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
