I want to have your abortion
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
