I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
