dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
