just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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