It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
