We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
