this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
