worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
