Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
