i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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