I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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