There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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