Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
