remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
